God she's so much, this is so much, real friends reads like something straight out of serena's diary, that endless and epic yearning for the freedom to be anonymous when she's tethered to a city and a social scene where everyone knows her name and is obsessed with her, and viva la vida, God, "just a puppet on a lonely string, oh who would ever wanna be king?" G O D , serena's not like blair, she's not made of ruthless ambition, she doesn't want to wield her god-given power like a sword in order to demand more, she's just so endless and Tragically desperate for something More, something Real, and ending with better girl is so heartbreakingly true to where Serena is at in her life and self-view in the pilot, she just wants to be better, "and it's no fun when you're laughing at me, always laughing at me" just hit like a ton of BRICKS for her, jesus, she's everybody's entertainment and nobody takes her seriously or believes she can change that is becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy, no can ever let her be a better girl and nobody can do it alone so she's just stuck in her endless cycle of self destruction and rebirth and if this were if a different story, if she were a different girl, if her luck were any worse, this would have a very different ending, because serena isn't the luckiest girl in the world because she's serena van der woodsen and she's beautiful and rich and everybody loves her, she's the luckiest girl in the world because her bad habits haven't killed her yet, and ultimately do not get the best of her.