Did she have nightmares too?... Did she ever have the sense of observing herself from afar, as often did?... Her gust of laughter had a self-propelling recklessness I knew all too well from wild nights with Boris, an edge of giddiness and hysteria that I associated (in myself, anyway) with having narrowly missed death. There had beeb nights in the desert where I was so sick with laughter... I would have happily have thrown myself in front of a car to make it stop.

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