well, if part of your intent was "painful" then you will probably not like my comment very much. but as someone, who has multiple, severe mental illnesses such as schizoaffective disorder (i swing between major depressive episodes - what i'm currently in, hypomanic episodes, and psychotic episodes as severe as the ones that present in schizophrenia). i have very severe borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder from childhood abuse... the list goes.

i decided to listen to this mix while attempting to fall asleep after being awake for two days straight, since while the other mixes for insomnia were beautiful and gave me some peace, then did not help me sleep, or even feel like i could.

i have been having an extremely rough time lately. i often contemplate suicide, i'm considered "Very low functioning" by professionals, been hospitalized eight times, am very lonely at the moment because my partner is in the hospital himself... i am filled with guilt, i feel like i lose my mind and sanity more and more each passing year (i am now almoat 25), i feel like there is no hope or nothing at all left for me. i feel like the description you wrote, even.

but to me? this mix was not painful. it was beautiful, but not painful. it was actually, very soothing, and comforting for a mix that's about sadness, that's about what your description says... madness, mental illness, all things i go through daily, and have for years.

from my perspective, many lyrics in the songs were actually quite hopeful. it was also comforting to know there were other people who felt the same as me, including successful artists, singers, and song-writers. and the fact i was often thinking of stiles, the character i relate to most, who has crumbled apart, lost his sanity, gone through hell and back again... but he's still here. there's still things for him here on this earth. there's still hope. you can never go back but that doesn't mean the end, and i thought about this a lot while listening to the lyrics in these songs, and thinking of him. and it made me think: if A famous fictional character, and my all-time favourite i relate to went through all that and still came out of it? although with many scars, but still the potential for a life, for happiness, for hope?

well, that thought made me feel the closest to happiest i have felt in decades.

so maybe your intention was painful - but many of these tracks were comforting to someone like me, and even caused a small catharsis of healing and the important lesson that just because you may lose it all... does not mean you will never have anything ever again.

so yes, i imagine this is probably a very strange comment on such a mix of yours, that was intended to be painful and sad... but, that is simply how it made me feel listening to it, and interpreted it. someone can be drowning in madness but that does not mean a certain death.

i also absolutely loved the mix in general, by the way, for simply the music itself as well.

This is painful and beautiful