I'm really happy that this helped you in finding some release :). I can't say that I know exactly how you're feeling, but I do know what's its like to lose a friend; I lost two of them to a car accident. I spent a really long time having nightmares, wishing I could go back in time and spent more time together with them and while the pain never goes away, slowly you regain your strength by cherishing the memories of them.Cry, scream, do whatever you need to, to let it all out. Even though my friends are no longer here, I'm happy to have known them and that they chose me to be their friend.